Mother's Day

I thoroughly enjoy NOT being a mother. 
I enjoy sleeping when I want, carrying everything I need for the day in a small purse, and spending uninterrupted hours watching TV that is totally inappropriate for children. 
I enjoy not hearing whines of "I'm hungry!" "I have to pee!" and "I want to go home!" every time I leave the house.
I enjoy the fact there is no one directly criticizing my decisions regarding education or diet or discipline.
I enjoy having the choice to work full time or part time or go back to school without considering who will take care of my kids or how I will pay for the enormous expense involved in raising them.
I REALLY enjoy ingesting far more caffeine and soft cheeses than are safe for a fetus or nursing infant.
I really really enjoy not being a mother. Especially a mother of a 5 year old who is constantly correcting me and a 1 year old who has already seen the inside of an ICU. Because I do not have the patience for smart-ass children or the fortitude for the constant onslaught of bad news that nearly losing a child brings.
But my mom did.
So thanks, mom. For dealing with crises like losing my squeaky pig at the DMV and me having emergency surgery 900 miles away, for teaching me more than you thought you did, for vaccinating me even though you were scared and I was screaming, for somehow managing not to straight up murder me between 1997 and 2003, for not giving any push back when I decided to backpack around Europe alone, for trying so hard to put on a happy face every time I leave home.
I love you. Happy Mother's Day.